Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
