you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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