i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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