yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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