i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
