Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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