Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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