I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Found the puke drawer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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