i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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