And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
