i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
