Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
zippers are such a cool invention
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
