Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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