I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
