someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
