the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
