Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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