Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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