dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
