oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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