fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
