.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
