I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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