So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
