With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
