Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
