i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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