it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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