We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
