i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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