i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
