like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
