This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
