Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
