so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
