I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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