You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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