I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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