Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
