My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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