Your dad touched me again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have post one night stand depression
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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