How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
