if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
