she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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