I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
