oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
