end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
