I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
