we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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