Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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