I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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