guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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