we have officially lost it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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