I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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