Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
