Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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