I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
