Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
