no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
