I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
