My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
