she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
