it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
