omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
