i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
