You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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