you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
