a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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