If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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