We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
