umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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