4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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