he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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