I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
do herpes really smell.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
