i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
