You work out of a Hotel?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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