everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
