And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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