I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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