I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
