remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Houston, we have a blender
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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